Barbawa Wawlters Goes Wookey

Alright folks, not sure if anyone else on this Earth can pathetically admit to watching Barbara Walter’s Ten Most Fascinating People of 2009 on Wednesday night….but I am proud to say that I did.  Honestly, it was really just for entertainment to make fun of her list, like I do every year.  So….here goes!

Lady Gaga
Is it me, or does Barbara seem to be a futuristic wax replica of Lady Gaga?  I actually got excited to hear Lady Gaga’s life story and why she likes to sleep around with guys and dolls.

Adam Lambert
Hmmm…another Freak of the Week.  I’m not sure if she realizes that the 2009 thing encompasses then entire year, and not just Adam’s recent make-out session with his stage-hands.  Lady Gaga the bisexual….Adam the bisexual…do we see a pattern her Barbara?

Jenny Sanford
What?  Who the ____ is this?  Oh yeah, another woman/politician/famous person in America who’s husband left her for another woman.  Yes, let us honor that and the fact that she is “strong” for surviving.  Umm…can you say Settlement or Child Support?  I’d survive too!

Tyler Perry
I actually didn’t have a problem with Tyler Perry.  I comically felt that he should have been #1 instead of Michelle Obama…but we’ll get to that later.

Kate Gosselin
Ohhhh…..Kate.  My how this past year has been horrible for you.  Mainly because of the fact that ten years of being an utter beeatch to your husband came back to sting you.  I am sorry that Jon had a mental break down but honestly, if I yelled at Greg across the Toys R’ Us like that, he’d divorce me too!  Wait, why are you fascinating again?  That’s right….another woman has been cheated on…is there a pattern here Barbara?

Glenn Beck
I am pretty sure I am going to become a Libertarian from now on.  Why?  Because Glenn Beck is HILLARIOUS that’s why.  Actually, I have no idea what party I’m associated with seeing how I would have voted for Hillary but did not vote for Barack.  Call me indecisive.  Did you know Glenn is Mormon?  Huh…who’d a thought.

Brett Favre
Um…did anybody realize why Brett was Most Fascinating?  The lady basically ripped him a new one and made fun of the fact that he has retired basically three times now….or was it four?  I hate him in purple.

Sarah Palin
I really like Sarah Palin….but I cannot watch her ever since Tina Fey impersonated her on SNL.  Oh my gosh, they are like Siamese twins!  Also I like her because Sarah Palin is soooo close to Sarah Patten.

Mike’s Offspring
It is sad how the kids will grow up alone now. It is sadder that the youngest has the same name as his brother and with all the nicknames in the world, his is Blanket.  They sure have nice hair though, don’t they?

Michelle Obama
Oh Michelle.  First of all, who knew she was like a GIANT!  Woah!  I guess if I supported Obama during campaign time I’d have known that.  Oh, I’m sorry, why is she most fascinating?  Must be because she’s married to the President and will never have to work again.  But she does have to workout everyday to keep up with Barack.  And don’t forget the new dog.  Good choice Barbara….good thing you didn’t choose the leader of the Red Cross or something more honorable as your #1.  Thanks for keeping America’s roots grounded.